Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
