Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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