i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
