I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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