I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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