your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
