I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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