Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
