I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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