the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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