I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize