You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
