You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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