I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
These tits shall not be calmed
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
