The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
