I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
