in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
