I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
