All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
