she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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