yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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