And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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