I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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