I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
