Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
They have beer where we have blood.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
