sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
