How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
