Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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