a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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