Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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