I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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