Whod you bang
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
