I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize