she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
