just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
