and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
wow bdsm is so cute
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
