and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
