...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
