So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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