i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize