whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
