he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
