My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You dont lie about slip and slides
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
