Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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