So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
