So drunk its hurt
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
