I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
