That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
