They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
