Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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