You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
