Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
