My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
