just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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