My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
is wine microwaveable?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
