I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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