You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I am mentally ready for anal.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
