I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
