god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
