Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
