chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
