Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
