Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
