just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
