just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
