I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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