dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
